In my Stealing from Shakespeare Writing Workshop, in addition to the 20+ lecture videos I created for the online class, I also did a series of bonus video where I talk with actors and directors about William Shakespeare. Here’s the first bonus video where I was fortunate to talk with Raphael Parry.
Raphael Parry is the executive and artistic director of Shakespeare Dallas. In this conversation, we talk about Shakespeare's characters and what writers today can learn from Shakespeare when it comes to creating compelling characters.
For updates on when this Shakespeare class will be available again:
https://writingworkshops.com/
To learn more about Shakespeare Dallas:
https://www.shakespearedallas.org/
MY TOP 10 FAVORITE EPIC FANTASY MOVIES
I should start by saying this list is completely subjective—and weirdly ‘80s heavy. No advanced analytics were applied to this process. Some of these movies I haven’t seen in a long, long time, and I fear that my recollection might be far too kind. For example, as a kid, I loved Red Sonja. That one released in1985 with Brigitte Nielsen. But I’ve been told repeatedly that it was terrible, so I’m not going to fight it, and it’s been left off my list. However, with movies I’ve seen more recently, I’m willing to take a stand. (King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is good! Rotten Tomatoes be damned!)
Anyways, what fun is a list, if you can’t disagree with it?
Also, I’m not making a huge distinction between “epic fantasy” and “high fantasy.” I’d say The Last Unicorn definitely falls into the slippery category of high fantasy, but I’m still putting it in this list. However, portal fantasies—like Labyrinth, Spirited Away, and (to some degree) the Neverending Story and Pan’s Labyrinth—I’ve excluded. I’m also sticking with a more European epic fantasy setting. Otherwise, wuxia films like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon would absolutely top my list. And then, what about Dune? It’s sci-fi, but it certainly feels like a close cousin to the epic fantasy genre.
Trying to compile these films made me realize how difficult it is to pin down the epic fantasy genre. Also, it makes me appreciate how tricky it is to compress and translate the epic-ness of the book genre into a film. It’s much easier to tackle the genre through television, in my opinion, but that’s a list for another time.
10. The Princess Bride (1987)
97% Tomatometer, 94% Audience
Is it epic fantasy? Is it a fairy tale? Is it a parody of the genre? Does the distinction matter?
The Princess Bride is a near perfect movie. Always entertaining and enjoyable for all ages. I feel bad for placing it so low on this list.
The movie is more than “a kissing book.” It’s an ode to the power of storytelling to remove cynicism and instill a sense of wonder. Something I’ve always loved about the genre.
9. Ladyhawke (1985)
68% Tomatometer, 74% Audience
The story takes place in medieval Italy, so I guess this film would be better categorized as “historical fantasy” and not as a “second world, epic fantasy.” So it goes.
Mostly, I remember the curse. Such a great premise. It makes for a beautiful tragic, love story.
Apparently, the soundtrack was rated as the worst of all time—most distracting/obnoxious. It ended the film scoring career of Andrew Powell. Perhaps, the movie would have been better received with a new soundtrack?
8. Conan the Barbarian (1982)
66% Tomatometer, 74% Audience
There is much to say about this quotable, trashy fantasy movie. Let’s never forget the scene where Schwarzenegger punched a camel. Yes, that happened.
Also, I didn’t know this until . . . today . . . but it was co-written by Oliver Stone. Weird.
Created by Texas author, Robert E. Howard, something about Conan’s pulp brilliance just works—and a precursor to other muscular, shirtless, grunty heroes like Geralt of Rivia in The Witcher series.
7. Wolfwalkers (2020)
99% Tomatometer, 98% Audience
Like Princess Bride and Stardust, it’s more of a fairy tale. And like Ladyhawke, Wolfwalkers is more of a historical fantasy (a story that also centers around animal transformation). But unlike those saccharin love stories, this film is about friendship. It’s one of the few movies that truly captures the intensity of young friendship.
It’s an amazing film.
It was difficult to choose between this and The Secret of Kells or Song of the Sea—the Irish folklore trilogy by Tomm Moore. Why choose? Watch them all.
6. The Green Knight (2021)
89% Tomatometer, 50% Audience
I don’t know how well this movie will hold up in a few years. The Green Knight (and our hero Gawain) certainly has flaws. It’s a movie about flaws. The camera work felt indulgent and unnecessary in several places, which left me waiting for the director to get out of the way.
My favorite scenes were the ones where we take in the magnificent setting and scenery. I loved the dark castle shots in the first part. Incredible medieval aesthetic.
And Dev Patel was flawless.
5. The Last Unicorn (1982)
73% Tomatometer, 86% Audience
I just finished the book by Peter S. Beagle. At several points, the book felt like it really wanted to be a movie. (The book is well written, but it does drag once they get to the castle.) Lo and behold, Peter S. Beagle also wrote the screenplay. Something tells me, this story was always meant to be seen as a film. And it’s a good one.
I’d enjoy seeing a live action version of this film, but I wonder if it’s possible to capture this magic a third time.
4. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)
31% Tomatometer, 69% Audience
This movie is good. It’s actually good. I feel like Legend of the Sword was the victim of Rotten Tomatoes bandwagoning. Most critics probably didn’t know what to do with an unconventional Arthur placed within a more fantastical than historical setting. It’s clear that producers were hoping to build an expanded Arthur universe. Alas, it was never meant to be.
If you want a fantasy that isn’t trying to remake LOTR, Legend of the Sword does its own thing—and does it well.
3. Stardust (2007)
77% Tomatometer, 86% Audience
Some may be surprised to see Stardust so high on my list (or on my list at all). You must not know of my love for Neil Gaiman’s work.
I found this movie to be utterly charming, like Princess Bride, but without the parodic tone. Fun, adventurous, and it provides a surprisingly mature look at romantic love. The line: “Ah... and what's she doing to prove how she feels about you?” It gets me every time.
Plus, airships. There aren’t enough airships in our fantasy movies.
2. Willow (1988)
51% Tomatometer, 79% Audience
This film is under appreciated. Maybe because it was directed by Ron Howard and produced by George Lucas, audiences were expecting more? They missed what this movie was: A damn good epic fantasy adventure.
Also, Madmartigan is Val Kilmer’s second best role (obviously, Doc Holliday in Tombstone is his best). He exudes such delightful, chaotic energy.
I’m excited to see the Willow series on Disney+, debuting this year.
1. LOTR (2001, 2002, 2003)
91%, 95%, 93% Tomatometer, 95%, 95%, 86% Audience
Was there any doubt?
In fact, I have to count LOTR as one movie. Otherwise, it would take up spaces 1-3 with Two Towers being my favorite of the trilogy. The gap between this film series and the rest of the movies on this list is awkwardly apparent.
Perhaps we’ve just been waiting for CG technology to catch up. All the stars aligned perfectly to make it happen. Had it been any other writer or director or cast or source material or shooting location—it just wouldn’t have been the same.
CLEVER GIFT IDEAS FOR FANTASY READERS
You can always buy the fantasy reader in your life more books. That is always an option. But it can be a little tricky. Which authors do they love? Which ones do they hate? Perhaps they already have that book—or they want a particular UK hardcover edition. Fantasy readers can be a picky group. You could get them a gift card, but do you really want to give up that easily?
This gift guide features non-book options for your bookish friends. And yes, some of these suggestions are a bit peculiar.
Enjoy!
Albion Sword
This is an extravagant gift. You wouldn’t buy just anyone an Albion sword. But I’m fairly certain every epic fantasy reader wants a cool sword hanging on their wall—and Albion swords are very, very cool. Cheaper swords exist, but they won’t be cherished and handed down through the generations like this one would.
Website
Art Print by Michael Whelan
If you’re going to buy a print, buy it directly from the artist (that way you can get it signed)—and why not go with one of the all-time greats, when it comes to fantasy art? Michael Whelan painted the cover art for the Dark Tower series and the Stormlight Archive. And if you don’t know which art print to buy, go with something weird. Whelan is at his best when he’s being bizarre.
Website | Instagram
Mushroom Lamp
I’ve never been keen on the various adjustable “reading lights” out there. Give me a quiet room and a lamp. I’ll be fine.
Instead of a puny reading light, you should give your fantasy reader a magical mushroom lamp via Etsy. Soft light for late night reading, and it definitely sets the mood.
Website
Booknook
While you’re on Etsy, take a moment and search some of the “booknooks” or “book shelf inserts” available. They’re pretty cool. Since they’re mostly custom made and handcrafted, they can be a little pricey. Also, read the descriptions carefully, i.e. some assembly required.
But a booknook can be a welcome addition to someone’s fantasy book shelf.
Website
Hogarth Hills Artisan Soap
Soap made by nerds for nerds. These soaps are handmade with high-quality ingredients. I love the thought that’s put into each product. For example, there’s a seasonal soap inspired by Stephen King’s IT called “Winter Fire,” based on the poem about Bev. It's a blend of smoldering cedarwood, leather, tumbleweed, with rich amber, cashmere musk, terracotta and more. There’s also a Doctor Strange inspired soap (“Sanctum Sanctorum”) and a Lord of the Rings soap (“Undying Lands”).
Website | Instagram
Swag from the Splintered Wand
A wizard pub just opened in Seattle. Let me say that again: a wizard pub just opened in Seattle. If you live near Seattle, take your fantasy reader friend to the pub. Buy them a drink. Be wizards! However, if you don’t live near Seattle, I imagine they will eventually have swag. And wizard pub swag sounds like a pretty cool holiday gift to me.
Facebook | Instagram
The Pratchett Convention T-Shirt
Sir Terry Pratchett wore this t-shirt, whenever he made a convention appearance (as mentioned on Buzzfeed). You can buy a facsimile of the famous t-shirt, because you can buy anything online. This gift falls under the category of “If You Know, You Know.”
Website
Membership to Tolkien Society
Members get the newsletter, Amon Hen, six times a year—along with the annual Mallorn, which comes out on Christmas. This gift keep giving! I’d opt for the postal print version because it’s fun to get stuff in the mail. Also, now your fantasy reader friend is part of an organization promoting the work of Tolkien since 1972.
Website | Instagram
Sci-Fi & Fantasy Subscription Box
I said this gift guide wouldn’t include books, but I’m making an exception with this subscription box from the iconic Strand Bookstore. Each Strand box includes a signed first edition and other goodies.
Other subscription boxes are worth looking into. Illumicrate seems to have great exclusives for fantasy readers—although it’s shipping from the UK, which can be tricky and increase the price. And Fae Crate also looks good. Based in the US and more YA oriented.
Website
Cameo
The kitsch of Cameo reached its zenith sometime in 2020, but I still think it’s cool to get a brief “Greetings, Fellow Human” video from someone you admire. Sadly, there aren’t many authors on the site. (Come on, Neil Gaiman, Robin Hobb. Where are you?) However, if you’re into Game of Thrones, Vikings, The Expanse, LOTR, Doctor Who, etc, those actors are ready and available. And who wouldn’t want a call from Sean Astin or Felicia Day?
Website | Instagram
What's my favorite fantasy novel (so far) in 2021?
I ramble about some of the books I've read this year (so-far). :
Questions:
1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2021
2. Best sequel you've read so far in 2021
3. New release you haven't read yet, but want to
4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year
5. Biggest disappointment
6. Biggest surprise
7. Favorite new author (debut or new to you)
8. Newest fictional crush
9. Newest favorite character
10. Book that made you cry
11. Book that made you happy
12. Most beautiful book you've bought so far this year (or received)
13. What books do you need to read by the end of the year?
What are my fantasy book recommendations for 2021?
The wonderful thing about the fantasy genre is that there’s no shortage of amazing books you can read. Find a prolific author you love—Ursula K. Le Guin, Brandon Sanderson, N.K. Jemisin, Robert Jordan, Robin Hobb, Ellen Kushner, Terry Brooks, Terry Pratchett, Terry Goodkind (so many Terry’s)—and you have enough books to occupy a few years.
My list is a little different. I want to suggest some talented authors—the up-and-comers, the youngsters, the indie authors, the under appreciated conquerors—who aren’t as well known and aren’t named “Terry.”
The Unbroken.
I was first introduced to C.L. Clark’s work during a FIYAH Magazine livestream last year. She read one of her short stories—and my god, I was moved. I became a fan, and read more of her short stories. Imagine how excited I was when I discovered she had a novel coming out in 2021? You can’t imagine. Not until you read her work for yourself. Her prose is masterful, but she also knows how to tell a badass fantasy story. Drop whatever you’re reading on March 23rd, and read this instead.
The Blacktongue Thief.
I have a friend who knows Christopher Buehlman through Scarborough Faire. (Buehlman worked as “Christophe the Insultor.”) I’m trying to figure out how Buehlman and I can become friends without it getting weird. I’m still brainstorming. Regardless, you should absolutely check out this book if you’re wanting something fun and witty and well paced.
A Sea of Pearls & Leaves.
If you want to try a book by an independent fantasy author, Rosalyn Briar is a great bet. She continues to build a loyal fanbase with A Sea of Pearls & Leaves, her second novel. I’ve always admired the care that she puts into her projects. This novel is a twisted retelling of the Grimm's "The Three Snake-Leaves."
For the Crown.
Melissa Mitchell represents a new generation of writers who started off on Wattpad. It was on Wattpad where she developed her “Dragonwall” world. Her series had over two million reads before she published it officially. Let me say that again: TWO MILLION. She has my respect. At 371 pages, For the Crown is the shortest of her Dragonwall novels—and the most recent—but I think it stands alone very well as an engaging fantasy romance.
A Master of Djinn.
As a Nebula and Locus winner, P. Djèlí Clark is not flying under the radar. (I wouldn’t be surprised if his 2020 novella Ring Shout earns him a Hugo.) Anyone who has read Clark knows he’s a truly skilled writer. But I think his Fatma el-Sha'arawi Series (alternate history steampunk-esque Cairo in early 1900s) represents his most exciting work. I loved “A Dead Djinn in Cairo” and The Haunting of Tram Car 015. This upcoming 400-page novel will give us a deeper look into this fascinating world.
A Wind from the Rift.
Romance storylines are so ubiquitous to female protagonists that it’s refreshing to discover a book without one. Gwyn is powerful, complex, and she’s nobody’s romantic subplot. You should probably start with book one, The Ninth Sorceress, but I’m going to go ahead and recommend book two. I predict Bonnie Wynne will become a breakout author, if she continues to be productive, which I do not doubt.
Glimmerglass Girl.
Yes, I snuck a book of poetry onto my list. But it’s fantasy poetry, so I feel justified. I’m finicky about poetry. However, I love this poetry. It’s also a convenient way for me to mention that the same Holly Lyn Walrath has agreed to help as developmental editor on the Dryad’s Crown series, starting with book three. No pressure on me. At all. I’m fine. I’m fine. Why are you looking at me?
The Frightened Fox.
I’ve known Miranda New for a long time. (True story: Due to a last minute travel conflict, I stepped in and officiated her wedding.) What I didn’t know, for the longest time, was that she’s an incredible novelist. These two books in the Sammy Silvertooth series are the evidence. Sometimes your friends will surprise you. I look forward to reading more from Miranda.
WHY DO I SELF-PUBLISH?
Is it because my work isn’t good enough to get traditionally published?
Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know. (That’s a rude question!)
Traditional publishing is a temperamental creature. It’s not always about the quality of your work. It comes down to this question: Will the book sell? Publishers are in the forecasting business. They’re making an informed guess. Brandon Sanderson couldn’t get his work published for the longest time because publishers wanted him to be “more like George R.R. Martin.” And yet, Sanderson’s work is incredibly popular right now. The publishers are doing their best to forecast on trends, but who knows?
And even before you get a publisher, first, you need an agent. The agents are trying to figure out what the publishers want. So your work isn’t always being judged by its merit alone. Instead, it’s a forecast of a forecast. The agents and the publishers are hoping your work is malleable enough to twist and rework into something they think can be marketed and sold. It makes me wonder if The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings would have been published by today’s standards. (Tolkien is many things, but getting to the point within the first 10 pages is not his strongest attribute.)
However, this isn't about Tolkien or Sanderson, it's about me.
I tried to find an agent for Wear Chainmail to the Apocalypse. I spent about a year searching. I’m not gonna lie; it was rough. I had another author tell me, “The publishers aren’t accepting apocalyptic stories right now.” And she was 100% correct. (Coincidentally, a year later, COVID happened. The apocalypse is back, baby!) For my sanity, I decided to give up on traditional publishing and self-publish the novel. Lo and behold, people liked Wear Chainmail to the Apocalypse. It wasn’t a bestseller, but that’s not the point. It found an audience.
For The Dryad’s Crown series, traditional publishing wasn’t an option. I’m writing an epic fantasy set in an “open source” world. That means, while I own my story and my characters, I’m choosing to not own the setting itself. It’s available to anyone who wants to contribute to it. My assumption is that publishers wouldn’t want to buy something they couldn’t own. Thus, we’re self-publishing.
My hope is that The Dryad’s Crown finds its audience too—and over the course of the next few years, that this ten-book series will find a large enough audience to where self-publishing isn’t simply an option of last resort, but a preferrable path. With Patreon and other crowdsourcing platforms, becoming a full-time author is doable. I’ve done the math. Granted, it’s very basic math, but I’m not far off.
And if I can build a dedicated readership through my self-publishing—whenever I do decide to write something again for traditional publication, it will be a no-brainer for any agent. (“His independent work sells . . . how much?”) As a self-published author, I become delightfully dangerous because I can always walk away from a bad offer, knowing I have an alternative.
Why do I self-publish? Flexibility, a faster turnaround, freedom to choose my team (designers, illustrators, cartographers and editors), and the freedom to make outrageous creative choices.
You don’t read a self-published author to get more of the same.
Another reason is the simplicity of the exchange between author and audience. First, foremost, and always, I care about my reader. Yes, it would be nice to have an agent who spends their time thinking about how to best launch my career. It would be nice to get a multi-book deal from a company that has published some of my writing heroes. It would be nice to walk into a bookstore and point to my work—to have exposure with more reviewers, to set up more book signing events, and to be considered for more awards. These things are just not easily available to self-published authors. But as long as I am still serving my reader and giving them something they can enjoy, I’ve done my job. And that’s enough.
You can read and find out for yourself if it's any good.
Thoughts on Reading
This video (originally posted to Twitch) is a brief history of my life as a reader and provides suggestions on how to be a better reader.
RECOMMENDED SPECULATIVE FICTION BY BLACK AUTHORS
Today, I want to focus on the work of other writers.
Firstly, I would encourage you to read these words by Tochi Onyebuchi in his essay, I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream: The Duty of the Black Writer During Times of American Unrest.
Secondly, you should definitely check out this amazing work I’ve listed below. (Full disclosure: I haven’t read Ring Shout yet—because it’s not available until October. However, I have read P. Djèlí Clark, and he’s incredible. Easily one of my favorite authors right now.)
The Devil in America by Kai Ashante Wilson
In this Tor.com original, scant years after the Civil War, a mysterious family confronts the legacy that has pursued them across centuries, out of slavery, and finally to the idyllic peace of the town of Rosetree. The shattering consequences of this confrontation echo backwards and forwards in time, even to the present day.
"There’s so much here to appreciate and admire, fine storytelling with a clearly-realized setting and characters." — Locus
(I haven’t read The Sorcerer of the Wildeeps, also by Wilson, but it looks great. It’s on my to-read pile for this summer.)
Fiyah (Summer 2020, Issue 14): Magazine of Black Speculative Fiction
So give us your Black elves, your Black space captains, your Black heretics standing against prophecies and insurmountable odds. Send us your Black wizards and Black gods, your Black sergeants fighting on alien planets. Give us all of your horror, SFF, and relevant subgenres. Because the future of genre is now.
And the future ain’t going to write itself.
Riot Baby by Tochi Onyebuchi
Ella has a Thing. She sees a classmate grow up to become a caring nurse. A neighbor's son murdered in a drive-by shooting. Things that haven't happened yet. Kev, born while Los Angeles burned around them, wants to protect his sister from a power that could destroy her. But when Kev is incarcerated, Ella must decide what it means to watch her brother suffer while holding the ability to wreck cities in her hands.
Rooted in the hope that can live in anger, Riot Baby is as much an intimate family story as a global dystopian narrative. It burns fearlessly toward revolution and has quietly devastating things to say about love, fury, and the black American experience.
Ella and Kev are both shockingly human and immeasurably powerful. Their childhoods are defined and destroyed by racism. Their futures might alter the world.
“[Tochi] Onyebuchi has woven a story as uplifting as it is heartbreaking, an epic ode to the future and past, tiny acts of resistance, love, and the wild unstoppable sweep of revolution.”—Daniel José Older
Ring Shout by P. Djèlí Clark (available October 13, 2020)
In 1915, The Birth of a Nation cast a spell across America, swelling the Klan's ranks and drinking deep from the darkest thoughts of white folk. All across the nation they ride, spreading fear and violence among the vulnerable. They plan to bring Hell to Earth. But even Ku Kluxes can die.
Standing in their way is Maryse Boudreaux and her fellow resistance fighters, a foul-mouthed sharpshooter and a Harlem Hellfighter. Armed with blade, bullet, and bomb, they hunt their hunters and send the Klan's demons straight to Hell. But something awful's brewing in Macon, and the war on Hell is about to heat up.
Can Maryse stop the Klan before it ends the world?
You Perfect, Broken Thing by C.L. Clark
When I leave the kill floor, my legs are wasted. I shuffle to the women’s locker room. I can’t stand anymore, but I know if I sit, I’ll never get back up. At least, not for another hour.
I prop myself up on my open locker. My hands are shaking, too. My fingertips are blue, my skin receding from chawed-down fingernails.
“You don’t look good.” Shell, one of my training partners, spooks me from behind. Her blonde hair is half-brown with sweat. “You can’t afford to train this hard, Coach. You won’t have anything left for the race.”
Black Leopard, Red Wolf (The Dark Star Trilogy) by Marlon James
Tracker is known far and wide for his skills as a hunter: "He has a nose," people say. Engaged to track down a mysterious boy who disappeared three years earlier, Tracker breaks his own rule of always working alone when he finds himself part of a group that comes together to search for the boy. The band is a hodgepodge, full of unusual characters with secrets of their own, including a shape-shifting man-animal known as Leopard.
As Tracker follows the boy's scent--from one ancient city to another; into dense forests and across deep rivers--he and the band are set upon by creatures intent on destroying them. As he struggles to survive, Tracker starts to wonder: Who, really, is this boy? Why has he been missing for so long? Why do so many people want to keep Tracker from finding him? And perhaps the most important questions of all: Who is telling the truth, and who is lying?
Drawing from African history and mythology and his own rich imagination, Marlon James has written a novel unlike anything that's come before it: a saga of breathtaking adventure that's also an ambitious, involving read. Defying categorization and full of unforgettable characters, Black Leopard, Red Wolf is both surprising and profound as it explores the fundamentals of truth, the limits of power, and our need to understand them both.
TOP 5 BOOKS ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE
It's the end of the world! We’re all gonna die. Load up on reading material, and enjoy the journey. What are my top 5 favorite apocalyptic books? Find out in this video! Definitely not an attempt to promote my own novel: WEAR CHAINMAIL TO THE APOCALYPSE.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING A DM CAN DO AT THE BEGINNING OF ANY GAME
A few weeks ago, I attended Origins Game Fair with three of my closest friends. (Full disclosure: All of us are fairly experienced DMs. Thus, we have a lot of opinions on Dungeons & Dragons. I consider myself a writer—first and foremost—and view any DMing as an extension of my desire to scratch that storytelling itch. But that’s a blog post for another time.) During our week at Origins, I played six sessions of D&D. The first night, Amy Lynn Dzura ran an adventure for us, which she had written. It was our best game experience of the week, by a long mile. Amy was great. The other DMs were all experienced and talented, and they each brought a different approach. But the experience wasn’t quite the same. Why?
Setting the Expectation
Amy did something the other DMs did not do. She started by saying (paraphrasing here), “I’m really looking forward to running this game. This is going to be fun.”
It’s amazing how this simple statement can improve the D&D experience. Let the players know that you’re happy to run this game and that you think it’s going to be great. I’m sure some of the other DMs were thinking this, but they never verbalized those expectations. Tell your players that you’re looking forward to the game. This statement requires little effort on your part, and it makes the biggest impact.
From some of the other DMs, I got explanations about how tired they were; I got reports about other events they were looking forward to; and worst of all, enthusiasm at the possibility of wrapping up the game early. What does it communicate to a player when you essentially tell them, “I can’t wait for this to be over?”
If you play a lot of D&D, maybe you’ve gotten jaded or bored? Another dungeon. Another dragon. Another group of players I will soon forget. In other words, I’m just here for the free badge and hotel room. While you might have run the same adventure over and over again, presumably, it’s new for the people at your table—and they are hoping for something amazing.
We need to reclaim that sense of wonder around a shared storytelling experience.
In many ways, Dungeons & Dragons is a flawed game. Rules upon rules that are constantly changing, encounters that are impossible to balance effectively, a logistical nightmare with seven people crowded around a tiny table in a noisy convention center . . . it’s a mess. However, D&D does ONE THING very well. It creates a shared imaginary moment—a perilous cathartic adventure that we must survive together. And when everyone is on board for the ride, it is one hell of an experience. But the game will inevitably fall flat if the DM looks like they don’t want to be there.
Practice this statement: “I’m really looking forward to running this game. This is going to be fun.” It’s your way of removing distractions, being in the moment, and creating a space where the people in front of you matter.
The DM is Not the Sole Arbiter of Fun
All this being said, it’s important to note that the DM is not the Professional Entertainer who operates merely for the amusement of the players. “Entertain me, Dungeon Master! Make this experience special, dammit!” I've sat next to players who made certain games sing. Engaged players can make the game fun, even with a lazy unmotivated DM. In fact, I’ve seen active players who are able to shake DMs out of their routine.
It’s important for everyone to take ownership of the experience. But the DM is going to set the tone. For DMs who have run this game year after year, we need to rediscover that enthusiasm, which first brought us to the table. Players may never know you’re having an “off day,” especially when you don’t tell them you’re having an off day.
Being Present
The game works, despite itself, because relationships are so vital to the experience. As a DM, you are letting people know that for the next few hours they will be heard and valued. That’s powerful. Even if you aren’t a celebrity all-star DM, even if you aren’t great at voice acting, even if you don’t know all the rules, even if you aren’t a masterful tactician, even if you don’t own thousands of dollars worth of terrain and miniatures, you can make a huge impact just by being present with your players.
Good news! I’m only $275 away from my 2019 goal for Extra-Life, an amazing organization that supports children’s hospitals.
If you like what I do, consider donating $10 to my fundraising page. You will receive a special “sneak peak” beta-version of the low magic fantasy campaign I’m developing. It’s my way of saying “thank you.”
couch
MY UNCLE EDWARD AND $12.3 MILLIONS UNITED STATES DOLLARS
Just a few days ago, I received this email:
Dear David Hopkins,
I am Godfrey Lau a legal practitioner and a personal attorney to (Edward Hopkins.) I regret the manner with which I am giving you this information, but I have no other option. I wish to notify you that My late client (Edward Hopkins.) died with his wife and only daughter while on holiday at Louisiana USA in the August 2005 Atlantic hurricane Katrina disaster, passed away and left no one as his next-of-kin. This is also a double edged scenario. It is no tussle as I have been mandated to provide the next of kin to my late client by the bank where he has long ago deposited the funds before the bank declares the funds non-serviceable.
I am contacting you to assist in claiming my late client's funds because you bear the same last-name with my late client and that will make it very easy to work with you. The deceased had an account valued at about $12.3 Millions United States Dollars. We can make this claim legally without problems, I am very sure of the success of this transaction if you adhere to my instructions.
If you are interested in this operation you should please forward to me your complete names, current home and cell phone numbers and mailing address to enable me furnish you with more details as regards this subject I wait to hear from you.
Best regards,
Godfrey Lau Principal Partner.
Obviously, I couldn't let an opportunity like this just slip away. Here's the response I emailed to Godfrey Lau:
Dear Godfrey Lau, Principal Partner,
First of all, thank you. Thank you so much for getting in touch. It means a lot to me and my family that you've taken the time to resolve this matter regarding my Uncle Edward. Already, your email has given me much needed closure. I can't help but think that God is truly blessing our family through your caring act. I greatly appreciate it. While I am 100 percent committed to the success of this transaction and adhering to your instructions, I think there are a few things I need to get off my chest about your late client Edward Hopkins. Some of it may be a little unsettling. I apologize in advance — but I feel like in order to move forward, we should talk about the real Edward.
Edward Hopkins was an absolute son of a bitch.
I mean, he was a complete and total raging son of a bitch. I can barely put into words just how much this man has tormented my family with his thoroughly unpleasant son-of-a-bitch qualities. Just when you thought he was an okay guy, nope, the "son of a bitch" true self would return with a vengeance like you've never seen. Son of a bitch. Am I right? (You know what I mean. He was your client, so you had to know.)
Believe me, I am surprised to hear he died. I should probably speak better of the dead, but he was just a son. of. a. bitch. No other way around it. Here I thought he was in prison or homeless somewhere. Imagine my surprise to find out that he died in Louisiana USA during the Atlantic hurricane Katrina disaster, elven years ago! Has it been so long? Not only that, I find out he had a wife and daughter?! Thanks for inviting me to the wedding, asshole. Right? I feel bad for his wife and daughter—not only because they died in that horrible natural disaster but also because they had to live out their ill-fated existence in close proximity to that human disaster, my real uncle, Edward Hopkins.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he faked his death—but I completely trust you. While he was a grade-A, heaping trash fire of a son of a bitch, only a true low life would use the Atlantic hurricane Katrina disaster to concoct a story about a dead family member. I know you know.
But let me tell you about my relationship with Edward:
1) Edward Hopkins would show up unannounced to my house—and always around dinner time.
He'd usually bring a girlfriend with him. At least, I assume she was a girlfriend. It was a different girl each time, but the girl always wore a tight outfit (usually with some animal print) that showed too much cleavage, and she smelled like cigarettes, urine, and baby powder. It was uncanny; it was horrible. He would never introduce "the friend." They would just sit down on the couch and start watching TV, often Full House. He'd grab a beer or something. Inevitably, we would ask if they wanted to stay for dinner. (I guess we're just kind-hearted, gullible people, right?) He'd say yes. She wouldn't say a word. They'd eat and then leave. And I'm not shitting you, he stained the couch with whatever putrid coat of sweat and grease covered him. To this day, there's a dark outline of where he sat. I should seriously toss that couch.
2) Edward Hopkins was kind of a racist.
He would never say something truly offensive, but he'd hint at some racist bullshit as if he was waiting for you to agree, so he could then plow into the real racist tirade he had prepared. I never took the bait. He'd always say "the blacks" or "the jews," never just "blacks" or "jews." For example: "The blacks had their chance, but I mean, look at Chicago." What does that even mean?!? What a son of a bitch! You see what I'm saying? He would also make up random racist statistics—which you knew weren't real—but if you challenged him on it, he'd throw a tantrum. "You know that two-thirds of the Mexicans don't even like tacos." See? Not full-on racist, but you felt like he was working up to something. After any conversation, you'd have to replay it in your head word-for-word just to make sure you didn't accidentally say something racist without meaning to. You just felt gross afterward. I'll say it: I'm glad he's gone.
3) Edward Hopkins was a cheapskate.
I'm sure you figured that out, with him always coming by for dinner. But it didn't end there. If you drove with Edward anywhere, he'd always ask if you could help him with gas money. Or he'd pretend like he left his wallet at home whenever we'd go bowling or to the movies. He'd never offer to pay for shit. Imagine my surprise to find out HE'S WORTH $12.3 MILLIONS UNITED STATES DOLLARS!!! Oh my god. I'm sorry, but that money is mine (plus interest) for every time I paid for one of his frito pies that he liked to eat at the bowling alley. He'd then get too drunk to drive home, so he'd crash on our couch, just farting the whole time. In his sleep, farting. Why do I still have that couch?!
A few other things about Edward...
4) Unapologetic porn addiction (more stains on the couch... we'll just leave it at that)
5) Could never hold down a job for more than a month (probably due to his porn addiction)
6) Unhealthy obsession with celebrity gossip surrounding Dave Coulier
7) Would sing along to songs he didn't know all the words to
8) Borrowed my DVD collection of America's Funniest People (seasons 1-3) and never returned them
9) Owns too many cats, doesn't clean up after them
10) Hoarder, obviously
11) Would burn trash in his backyard and I don't think he had a permit to do it
12) Read a lot of Sandra Brown—which is cool, I love Sandra Brown—but when you asked him about it, he pretended like he didn't know what you were talking about. (Bitch, I see your dog-eared copy of Love's Encore. That book is the bomb.)
13) The racist thing. It bears repeating.
14) When we played Monopoly, he'd never buy any real estate, but he'd then throw a fit when you busted his ass on Boardwalk or Park Place.
15) I think he would steal my trash. I don't know what that's about, but I'm fairly certain he did it.
16) Always quoting Dave Coulier like that shit's funny. ("Cut... it... out.") Ugh.
17) Left his chewing tobacco spit cup on the coffee table
18) Scratched his crotch a lot
19) He kept trying to make "fetch" happen. It's not going to happen.
20) I think he was in love with Dave Coulier.
Despite all this, I am glad you contacted me. Thank you for listening to my rant. I really needed that. And I will feel even better once I adhere to your instructions in order to get the $12.3 Millions United States Dollars. As I said before, I am 100 percent committed.
You know, this explains why, back in August 2005, I invited him to my house for a Full House marathon. He said he was going to be there. (I hadn't seen him in a while.) He also said he has some important news to share, but then he never showed up. I thought it was Edward being Edward. But I guess he died in the August 2005 Atlantic hurricane Katrina disaster, just like you said.
It was a shame because I had also invited my friend from Nigeria to the TV watch party (TGIF!). Unfortunately, he wasn't able to make it either. He got arrested a few days earlier. Turns out—and I probably shouldn't tell you this—that he's a prince! Dude is filthy rich. He has about $200 Millions United States Dollars, but it's all tied up in a bank account that he can't access. However, using your lawyer abilities, if you were able to get some of Edward's money, just a portion of it, maybe $2000 United States Dollars, we'd be able to bribe the right people to get that money. My Nigerian friend says he'll split it with us 50/50/50. We'd have to use your money upfront (as a money order or cashier's check sent to my P.O. box) because no one would be able to trace it. Just a thought. Your call. Great opportunity.
I wait to hear from you.
Sincerely your new friend,
David Hopkins United States
P.S. I have a couch that I don't want anymore. You interested?
Hopefully, I hear back from Godfrey Lau soon. If so, I will post an update. Do the right thing, Godfrey. Do the right thing.
A NICE TALK WITH THE DO-DADS
My good friend Jeff Elden (and company) invited me to jump on the Do-Dads podcast. We talked about life, pop culture, family, writing, and inane dinner party conversations. I promise I tried my darnedest to be entertaining and insightful.
"On a very special Do-Dads David Hopkins (Emily Edison, Karma Inc., Short Story of the Month Club, The Wild and Wayward Tales of Tammi True) teaches us how having a good work ethic can make all of our dreams come true." Listen here.
THE IMPORTANCE OF ART AND LITERATURE DURING A TRAGEDY
During a tragedy, I try to stay away from Facebook. Some of my friends (who are wonderful, kind, and intelligent people) just start posting stuff that puts me on edge. Then I try to figure out why I'm on edge, and then I start playing the game Who-I-Most-Agree-With-and-Why, and it really distracts me from the actually tragedy.
Finally, it ends with a blog post. Like this one.
On Friday, Paris was attacked by terrorists. Before that, terrorists also attacked Beirut. Horrible. Terrible. Heartbreaking.
Then, I see people on Facebook complaining that more people are upset about Paris and didn't even know (or care) about Beirut. The implicit judgment: You hypocrite. And some astute people are able to point out tragedies that have taken place all over the world — Peshawar, Qasoor, Karachi, Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Egypt, Serbia, Croatia, Boko Haram, Darfur, Palestine, and Israel. Let's also not forget the atrocities happening in Central and South America. The implicit judgment: Do your homework, you hypocrite.
It's true. The tragedy in Paris hit me the hardest. Is it because I think French lives are more important than the lives of people elsewhere? Not at all. I want to care about all tragedies in equal measure, but I don't, and I don't think you do either. I think it comes down to how close we are to the tragedy.
I haven't done a lot of international traveling in my life. I've been to Russia, and I've been to Mexico, and that's about it. But I've watched movies by Francois Truffaut. And I adore them. I've seen Jean-Pierre Jeunet's Amelie and A Very Long Engagement several times, not to mention other great French films. I've read Monsieur Jean by Dupuy and Berberian — and countless other French graphic novels. Art and literature put me in closer proximity to that place. Paris, a place I've never visited, feels alive through decades worth of exposure to great French artists.
Why do I care about Iran? I read Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi. Why do I care about Palestine? I read Palestine by Joe Sacco. Why do I care about Israel? I read Exit Wounds by Rutu Modan.
Let's not make this about us. You aren't a horrible person because you're fond of the places closest to you. And for someone who hasn't had the means to travel as much as he'd like, the only way I can connect to these places is through art and literature. On some level, my view of England has been shaped by Doctor Who and Harry Potter. Japan? Lots and lots of manga, Kurosawa, and Miyazaki. Just as I'm sure that the world sees New York City as the place where Marvel super heroes live, and Texas will always be the home of westerns and John Wayne.
Instead of telling others how they are supposed to feel about a tragedy, how about sharing with them some of your favorite art and literature from those other countries? The ones we habitually and shamefully skip over. I know there's something I'm missing out on, and you have an opportunity to let me in on the treasures of those other cultures. Then it becomes a real place.
As you might guess, I think the best place to start is with translated works. I'm fond of comic books and graphic novels from other countries. First Second has a good collection. And if you like prose novels, Deep Vellum is doing some great work.
Yes, I realize the issue is bigger and more substantial than "I haven't seen any great movies about Syria recently." Does the U.S. news media do a good job covering international events fairly and in equal measure? Of course not. However, let's save that frustration for where and when it's due. If we want to keep the conversation positive and productive, it starts with introducing people to new places and new people, not by policing how we respond to tragedy.
(For further reading: "Tragedy hipsters" and the #alllivesmatter-ification of grief https://storify.com/JamilesLartey/on-fff)
CAKE AND PROSE: A RECAP
Thank you so much to everyone who showed up for CAKE AND PROSE: A BOOK RELEASE CELEBRATION. The evening offered a beautiful mix of art—literature, theater, and music. The Margo Jones was the perfect venue, and we had the perfect audience: friends, friends of friends, and a few delightful strangers. It was a privilege to hear my stories read by such talented actors, providing a new perspective on something so familiar. Plus, Greg Schroeder. The guy does not disappoint. He's an incredible musician and an all-around badass.
I recorded the event. It's not a professional recording—just me with my trusty Sony digital recorder—but it's all there, every story and every song. Enjoy!
Cake and Prose (1 hour, 37 minutes)
[audio mp3="http://thatdavidhopkins.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/cake_and_prose.mp3"][/audio]
This event benefited the Birthday Party Project. All money collected at the door went to support their efforts to bring joy to homeless children through the magic of birthday parties. Last Friday, we raised enough money to provide a party for 75 kids. If you choose to listen to the audio, please consider donating a few dollars.
Below, I've posted my introductions for each segment. I wrote everything out word-for-word, for fear that I'd ramble, but then I'd occasionally go "off script" anyway.
Introduction: It Might Be Worth Something
This is what happens when the Wild Detectives bookstore doesn’t respond to my emails. I inquired about doing a signing there to promote my short story collection, because I love that place. I never heard back from them. So I thought, fine, I’m an independent author. I’ll throw my own party. I asked my friend Brad McEntire for some guidance. Brad is a man of the theater. I greatly admire him for his work with the Audacity Theater Lab and the Dallas Solo Fest. We brought two other talented actors on board, Maryam Baig and Bryan Pitts. Greg Schroeder is also here tonight to perform a few songs. He’s an amazing songwriter, one of my favorite local artists, who tells these incredible stories, peering out through the verses. And then, Sugar Bee Sweets Bakery offered to provide the cake. Next thing you know, we have something bigger than a book signing.
Book signings are weird anyway. I’ve done them before, and I always grimace when someone has me sign a book, then he or she waves it in front of me and say, “Who knows? It might be worth something someday.”
It really is the worst possible thing you can say to someone about a book they wrote. “It might be worth something, someday.”
Because that’s what I’m thinking while I’m writing it: It might be worth something. Just maybe. Someday.
There comes a moment in the creative process where you realize that it is worth something. It’s worth something to you. These stories take on a life of their own, and you have to finish, because there are fictional lives at stake. The stories are yearning to live, to be free. There is life in the good fiction, in good art, and you feel its burden.
The stories we’re sharing tonight are about life yearning to be free, that life is temporary and so it is precious, that choices shape our lives and that indecision is a kind of death. We choose who we love and, at the same time, we find ourselves so compelled to love that it carries the gasp, the hush of inevitability. Tonight, we’re celebrating what’s good in life. Stories, music, cake, and love.
Shopping Mall at the End of the World
I wrote this story for D Magazine. It’s one of my favorite pieces. It’s about apocalypse. A popular subject, one of my favorites. In fact, the novel I’m working on is called, “Wear Chainmail to the Apocalypse.” (Good advice by the way.) The apocalypse refers to a final destruction. The word also means to “uncover” or “reveal.” In a sense, all good stories are apocalyptic—in both senses of the word.
In stories, we condense the world down to a few people.
For instance, in Moby Dick, our whole world is reduced to a small boat on a great sea, the remnants, a small wandering tribe. In the journey, we uncover what it means to be desperate, afraid, and heroic. Great Gatsby is a grand party at the end of the world. Huck Finn is about two people searching for freedom while the society around them descends into madness.
This story is about the apocalypse through the eyes of a mall. I present “Shopping Mall at the End of the World” as read by Brad McEntire.
If You Could Be
Usually, an author attempts to endear himself or herself to an audience. However, I’m going to share one of the worst things I don’t remember doing. Let me explain. I dated a girl briefly when I was in high school. But I can’t remember what year it was. I was definitely old enough to drive, but it couldn’t have been my junior or senior year, because I was dating a girl named Susan at that time. So, maybe my sophomore year? I had a policy of rarely dating girls from my school because I found that girls at other schools had no idea how uncool I was.
This girl who I’m fairly certain was my girlfriend, but I don’t remember her name, we went out on a few dates, and here’s the thing: I don’t remember breaking up with her or her breaking up with me. I think I just stopped calling her, but not as a conscious decision. I literally, and I don’t even know how this is possible, I literally forgot I had a girlfriend. She was pretty. I liked her. We had similar interests, but somehow she disappeared.
How does that happen? Sometimes people slip away. In part, that’s what this story is about. “If You Could Be” as read by Bryan Pitts.
Escaping Venus Texas
This next story actually started as part of a comic book series that never found an artist or a publisher. A few years ago, I counted up what I’ve written in comics. 2,000 pages. Half has been published in some form. Half has never seen light of day. (Symmetry!) This story was in the latter pile. It was a subplot that I decided I could rewrite as a short story. It may be the most intentionally unromantic story ever.
I’ve grown tired of stories where the girl ends up with the guy, and that’s a suitable conclusion to her story. At the same time, I wanted to acknowledge there is something special about a lifelong commitment to another person. So I decided to tell two stories about two women, one who left and one who stayed.
I present “Escaping Venus Texas” as read by Maryam Baig.
Ladies and gentlemen, Greg Schroeder...
All photos by April Hopkins.
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PANEL DISCUSSION AT DOWNTOWN DALLAS LIBRARY
I've been invited to participate in a panel discussion next Thursday at the J. Erik Jonsson Central Library in Downtown Dallas. The title of the event is Mean Business: Women in Comics. Heather Lowe, manager of the fine arts division, will be moderating it. Thursday, April 9, 2015 at 6:30 p.m. J. Erik Jonsson Central Library 1515 Young St., Dallas, TX 75201 4th Floor Performance Space
The four guests are: Iris Bechtol, Gallery Director and Adjunct Professor of Art at Eastfield College in Mesquite, TX Keith Colvin, owner of Keith’s Comics Taffeta Darling, media personality and host of the webshow “Fangirls” David Hopkins, writer, graphic novelist and co-host of Fanboy Radio’s “Indie Show”
It's not the first time I've spoken about women's issues in comics. But now, fortunately, I have a moderator and three other people to bounce around ideas. It should be a great discussion. If you're the kind of person who likes to discuss women in comics, welcome! We'll be on the fourth floor.
CAKE AND PROSE: A BOOK RELEASE CELEBRATION
Cake and Prose is a unique presentation of essays, short stories, and music. There will be readings from WE MISS ALL THE GREAT PARTIES, performed by local actors (Brad McEntire, Bryan Pitts, and Maryam Baig), and live music by the talented Greg Schroeder.
Plus, there will be cake. Let's not forget the cake.
The details:
- The event will be on Friday, May 1st at the historic Margo Jones Theatre in Fair Park.
- Admission is a pay-what-you-can donation to The Birthday Party Project, cash or check accepted. It's a wonderful non-profit that brings joy to homeless children throughout the Dallas area.
- Cake generously provided by Sugar Bee Sweets Bakery in Arlington. They have the best cakes in North Texas. Absolutely delicious.
- The event starts at 7:30 and will probably last about two hours.
- Parking isn't terribly complicated at Fair Park, but you will probably need this webpage to guide you.
- Copies of WE MISS ALL THE GREAT PARTIES will be available for sale (both paperback and hardcover).
Facebook event page at: https://www.facebook.com/events/1390010577987158/ If you can't see the event page, it probably means you need someone to invite you. (Facebook is weird.) Just post a comment or send me an email, I'll add you to the list. Either way, please come. Facebook is not necessary for your attendance or your acceptance in this life.
Why the hoopla?
It took way too long to get this damn short story collection finished. Now I want to celebrate and sign some books. I'm knee-deep working on my novel, with no end in sight, and it's my last hurrah before I have to go back into hiding. And yes, May 1st is also my birthday. But if you think I'm the kind of person to host an event on this scale, just so I can force my friends to listen to my stories, as performed by actors, to drag some musician I greatly admire across north Texas to play some music, then hand out cake, all as a pretense to have a kick-ass birthday party, then you sir (or ma'am) might be on to something.
In truth, I wanted to have this event sooner, but May 1st was available and it kinda fit into the whole theme ("We miss all the great parties"). It was the birthday aspect that made me want to donate all the money raised at the door to The Birthday Party Project. Kennedy and I volunteered for them about two years ago, and ever since I've been enamored by their mission. It's possible, but not confirmed, that the executive director of the organization will say a few words at the beginning. I emailed them about this project a few weeks ago, and they were very excited.
A huge thank you to Brad McEntire for helping me plan everything. As a man of the theatre, he's been an invaluable sounding board and resource to make sure the event will kick ass.
So, let's pack the Margo Jones. It has a capacity for about eighty people. And maybe we could fit a few more in? All are welcome. We can celebrate the good things in life: stories, music, love and compassion, friendship, and cake. Let's not forget the cake.
Any other questions? Feel free to post a comment below.
A FEW THOUGHTS ON MOBY DICK
This weekend, I finished Moby Dick (Or, the Whale). D.H. Lawrence called it "one of the strangest and most wonderful books in the world." And I'd have to agree. It is truly strange, even by today's standards. At first, I liked the book, then I hated it, and then finally I loved it. The book has an odd charm that isn't fully realized until you get to those last chapters.
The premise is absurd: A captain seeks revenge against one particular whale. The intermingled drama and comedy is positively Shakespearean. Certain scenes are terrifying and surreal, such as Captain Ahab's speech after his harpoon glows from the lightning strike. The tension between Starbuck and Ahab is fascinating. Like a classic tragedy, the ending is both inevitable, predictable, and still shocking. And yet, the novel is wrapped in the tedious journalistic details of the whaling industry in the 1800s.
Moby Dick would be an easy novel to abridge. Simply take out all those chapters that go into explaining everything you never wanted to know about the genus and species of whales, the anatomy of whales, how different countries hunt whales, maritime whaling law, the mythic and symbolic role of the color "white," and how whale oil is stored and shipped. However, there's something about these chapters that contribute vitally to the whole.
One of the greatest treasures within Moby Dick is the hidden wisdom--thoughts on life and death, faith and disillusion, love and loss. My favorite passage, which captures all of it in one heartbreaking bundle, might be:
There is no steady unretracing progress in this life; we do not advance through fixed gradations, and at the last one pause: - through infancy's unconscious spell, boyhood's thoughtless faith, adolescence' doubt (the common doom), then scepticism, then disbelief, resting at last in manhood's pondering repose of If. But once gone through, we trace the round again; and are infants, boys, and men, and Ifs eternally. Where lies the final harbor, whence we unmoor no more? In what rapt ether sails the world, of which the weariest will never weary? Where is the foundling's father hidden? Our souls are like those orphans whose unwedded mothers die in bearing them: the secret of our paternity lies in their grave, and we must there to learn it.
Which ties beautifully to the very last sentence of the epilogue:
It was the devious-cruising Rachel, that in her retracing search after her missing children, only found another orphan.
Note the connection to the words "retracing" and "orphan," separated by several chapters but absolutely not an accident.
Somewhere in the middle of this novel, I swore I would read Moby Dick only once--and then be done with the stupid thing. Now, I'm a little anxious to return to the beginning and read again. Maybe next year.
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HOW A TV SITCOM TRIGGERED THE DOWNFALL OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION
Last Friday, I spoke at Union, a spiffy coffee house in Dallas that I'm fairly certain is a church in disguise. That's a thing, isn't it? Churches pretending to be coffee houses. This one is more subtle than most. The pastor is a good guy. (He calls himself a "community curator"... what does that even mean?) The place is cool. And Union certainly beats going to Starbucks. If you go, I doubt anyone would start asking you about the sorry-ass-state of your immortal soul. You're safe.
Anyways. Union invited some fellows from D Academy to speak at its Naked Stage series. All of it was to promote the Big D Reads event in April. I was one of the speakers. Most people spoke extemporaneously and did a wonderful job. However, I wanted to prepare a written essay that I could share—a call to arms against anti-intellectualism in America.
D Magazine's Frontburner blog shared my essay. And now, I'm sharing it with you.
I want to discuss a popular TV show my wife and I have been binge-watching on Netflix. It’s the story of a family man, a man of science, a genius who fell in with the wrong crowd. He slowly descends into madness and desperation, lead by his own egotism. With one mishap after another, he becomes a monster. I’m talking, of course, about Friends and its tragic hero, Ross Geller. Read more →
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"WE MISS ALL THE GREAT PARTIES" AVAILABLE ON AMAZON
My short story collection — WE MISS ALL THE GREAT PARTIES — is now available on Amazon, both paperback and Kindle ebook editions. Support the indie author in your life (that would be me).
You'll be surprised. Indie authors look and sound like real authors, except they get a larger percentage of the sales revenue! It's amazing.
Actually, I don't know if this is true. However, I do know that I'm not handing over a percentage of my book's revenue to a publisher to tell a distributor that I'm good enough for them to list my book, and I'm not paying an agent 10% to tell the publisher that I'm good enough for them to read. And I'm not paying a publicist to tell readers that my book is worth their time. I'm just giving a huge chunk to Amazon, and they're selling my book.
Welcome to the outland territories of American literature. I can't promise you I will ever be legit. But I won't stop writing, and rudely shoving it in your face. Thus, we're at an impasse. You will simply have to take a chance on my book. It's scary. It's reckless.
The book contains 10 stories about odd encounters and personal exploration. More specifically:
A young man in search of meaning connects with his dead girlfriend's son. A group of men in Wisconsin start a poetry group while waiting for their favorite bar to be rebuilt. A woman discovers her husband has been hiding a secret. He also wants to rob a bank. A basketball player continually relives the last six seconds of his worst game. An amateur chess player encounters greatness. A girl attempts to leave a small town. But before she goes, she learns the story of one who stayed.
These stories span a variety of genres, technical approaches, and perspectives--one story is a parody, another is written entirely as a series of conversations, one story is a family melodrama, another is a contemplation of pro sports and time travel.
This 10-month project, which turned into a two-year project, represents what I love most about short stories: the opportunity to experiment and play, to expand a condensed world.
[tweet "You will simply have to take a chance on my book."]
BADASS WRITING INTERN WANTED
I'm looking for an intern. I need someone who can think and write. The writing must be concise, balanced, purposeful, and artful. The thinking can be messy or organized, gut-driven or analytical. As long as you don't indulge in idiotic behavior or spurn intellectualism, you're good.
You will be writing for Imaginuity. It's a great place with great people.
What will you get out of the experience? You'll get paid. And I'll pick up the tab on lunch from time to time. Mostly, you will get the benefit of my mentorship. After three months, you will be so damn employable that any creative agency would be crazy to pass on you. It will be hard work, but you're a writing badass. You can handle it.
Contact me, if you're interested.
