SUBJECT: The box says "World's Finest," and I have no reason to doubt. A general address to the faithful workers contained within this creative space for the specific purpose of parting from you your hard earnings:
Salutations and good morn! My daughter, an earnest capitalist in the truest sense of the word, has beseeched me to act as her agent in the selling and distribution of fine chocolate confections. Wherefore such actions? The chief aim being to raise funds to support her school, and if I may venture, to pay the monthly salaries of the buffeted pedagogues. I digress. If you would like such delectable candy, you may ask yourself, “How can I afford such wondrous treats? Surely, since the box proclaims the sundry sweets as the ‘WORLD’S FINEST CHOCOLATE,’ how can I afford it? It must require my own life’s savings!” Nay. Fear not, gentle plebeian, the chocolate of which you speak, requires only two bills. And not the one’s bearing Franklin’s sour visage, but that of our noble Washington. Two dollars for a box of chocolate, upon my life, I speak the truth. Come visit me at my work station, and I will gladly officiate the transaction.
In the interim, thank you and glad tidings for your generosity.
Sincerely, David Hopkins Wordsmith and protector of strategic methodologies for the purpose of enhancing our client’s bounty
Post script: This is what befalls, hence you listen to the Moby Dick audiobook on the highway to work.
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