the-big-read-logoOriginally posted on the Big Read Dallas blog:

I must confess. I’ve always wanted to write for a women’s magazine, something where I get to make a list, overuse the second person “you,” and offer crazy relationship advice. (Also on my bucket list: I’d like to write about abs for Men’s Health. This is especially humorous if you’ve seen me in person.) These women’s magazines are so intriguing and mysterious to me. As long as I’ve been married, I’ve seen these suspicious periodicals around the house—promising better relationships and a better life. Many of the articles are conveniently organized as numbered lists, 23 reasons, 42 ways, 6 secrets, 59 tips, 200 hints, and so on. Something about listing gives the advice an air of false authority. Plus, the writer speaks directly to YOU, like a friend. (You know?) It’s a sneaky game they play, and I want to join in on the fun.

What relationship advice could I possibly offer? Like my abs, my interpersonal wisdom is mostly non-existent. That’s not to say I don’t have a bit of keen insight. I do, and here it is: As a final criterion in finding that special someone, you should exclusively date readers. You should only consider long-term relationships with a reader. And if you must procreate, do so with a reader. Continue Reading…